Loss

 Such a happy picture and all it does is bring me sadness. I miss him everyday, yet I doubt I even cross his mind. Yes it was my decision to end things, and end them abruptly but I had finally had enough.

Enough disappointment, Enough indifference, Enough of being used. I never expected to be taken advantage of on such a large scale, that kindness would come back to haunt me.. Haunt me it does.  I am haunted by the fact that while I building a relationship, he was just killing time.   At first he seemed interested in me, in talking to me and in knowing me, wanted to take me everywhere, share everything with me...but it didn't last soon all he wanted was for me to pay for everything, assist him in everything, and then he'd leave me behind in everything.  He stopped sharing, talking, basically I was ignored. I was a meal ticket, I made his life easier, and he strung me along to keep it that way.  Even when I brought it up, he couldn't look at me, or even talk to me about it. Instead he "texted" me from work the next day.. Lying in text is much easier, you probably don't feel bad either..    I guess he just couldn't tell me that he didn't like me, that he didn't care, he didn't know how to be honest. Honesty is all I ever wanted.. To look me in the face and tell me how you feel, even if its not what I want to hear.

It took all my courage to ask for that, I mean if you HAVE to ask, you're not going to get the answer you want.  But I needed to know for my own sanity... my own self worth.. I just don't understand why.. or how for that matter.. I guess I hate to believe that human nature can be so horrible... My faith in humanity is greatly shaken here.

I am feeling like I have no where to turn to. no goals.. nothing to do with myself except stew and think and cry.