I am finding myself all alone.
I wanted my freedom but i had no idea what I was in for
Its rather lonely living alone, I liked it once.. and longed for it again
I got it and now I am lonely..
Yeah I know the grass is always greener syndrome. *sigh*
I have no one to blame but myself.
I put up with 6 years of BS and wound up right back where I started.
It amazing how much you come to depend on someone even for little things
Things you can easily do on your own but things he enjoyed doing for you
I not only miss coming home to someone but the specific someone that he was.
Most of the time he was nice and sweeet and honestly loved me.
but there was the sneaky deceitful side that constantly reminds me why I needed to leave.

I tried over and over to trust him, I was honest with him always...
I figured I would get back what I put in, but it never ended up that way
I never got anything back, nothing.. No communication at all..
No words, no gestures, no actions, nothing to show that he even remotedly gave a damn about what happened to us.
The few times when I had finally had enough, and either left or started packing to leave, where those rare occasions when I found out what was on his mind.
It was soo wonderful to hear how he felt, i just wish I would have hears those words sooner, before it was too late.
Such emotional conversations that left me confused and completely drained.

There was no getting away we lived at the same address
No more
I mad a decision and stuck to it for once in my life, I walked away
Its a struggle every single day, especially since he lives down the street from me
and he is my only friend in the vicinity.
Its sooo easy to cave in and call him to do something
but I can't anymore
I need to more on and leave him in my past, for my own sanity
I know its the right thing I always have, but my head and my heart are NOT communicating at all
The moment I met him, I thought it would be forever, that no matter what it was we could figure it out.
I thought that for 3 years, then everything shifted..
Living in each others lives showed me things I might not have ever seen until after I had possibly married him.

I guess I am happy to find out what I did now before the marriage (legal and financial binding) and children came into the picture.

I think I am just rambling on and on and typing in circles.

I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE!
(living with it is the hard part)