I came to an epiphany this weekend about family vs. the rest of the people that you know. Why are we obligated to like them no matter what? Even when the repeated make the same mistakes. I mean I generally don't like some members of my family, I mean if they were related to me I wouldn't even speak to them much less love them. WTF? Is it because we share the same DNA that we are permanently joined together. I really don't think I am like any of my family members at all. I have different views and values then they do. I can not believe that we grew up in the same house with the same parents....

Is this what marriage and children has in store for me. I raise them and they don't like me or each other? What is the purpose for marriage? Can you profess your love and loyalty to someone without having to have a Legal doctrine stating it? I can understand that have a "stable" envirnoment for raising a family is important.. but from what I can tell most marriages are NOT stable at all.

I don't think have even one friend that is "happily" married. I think everyone is getting married because they realize that divorce isn't so difficult or so frowned upon like it used to be. Maybe?
I don't know, all I know is that I am NOT married, I have no plans to be married, and getting married will not make my life any better or magically make me a complete person.

With all the people on this planet, I don't see why I should have children, maybe I should just adopt a child in need of a home. but how can I adopt and be single? and will this child one day hate me because I am NOT the biological parent?

Its all a giant mystery. With age comes Wisdom right? Well I just added another year to my total but I still don't have any usefull answers... I am just as screwed up as I was 10 years ago.

Will everything be all right?

Everyone says "Don`t worry it will get better?"
It never does, it always seems to get worse.
Just when you think its better, someone stomps on you happiness.
Why do we strive soo much for validation?
How come being loved is soo important?
I want to be loved like I love, completely and unconditionally!
Maybe thats too much?
Its hard to love someone that doesn`t love you back.
Its tragic to want to spend the rest of your life with someone and they don`t feel the same wa

Well I started this in April and have been back since.
I have trouble figuring out what to type.
Nothing I can think of needs to be read by anyone else.

Here we go.

I am 30 and all of my girlfriends are married most have a kid or 2.
I was living with my boyfriend for 4+ years, I moved in with him thinking he would be the last person I would date. hmmmmmm I guess things never turn out how you think they will. Now its 5 years or more later ( started to loose track), I bought a Condo. Yeah somewhere along the line i became an adult. He refused to live anywhere I bought, he demanded to be on the mortgage. So he has moved to his own apartment and I have moved in to my condo. We still talk everyday, we actually get along better, but...... What now???? we are back where we were 4 years ago.... absolutely nowhere!! Is it time to move on, or should I figure out what the deal is? I kept teettering back and forth on this issue.

I hope you enjoyind reading about My Miserable Life...

Ho Hum

hmmmmm
Can`t wait to be feeling better, I hate being sick
so little time and too much to do
There is soo much to do in life, so much to accomplish
No time to waste at all
Go out and do what you need to do
Don`t let anything stop you
Press On, Press On
When we`re young we think we can do anything, be anything.
Then life shits on us....
I think the most important thing is to take what life throws at you and make the best of it..
It sounds so easy, so simple, but its not!
What you do affects those that are close to you whether you realize it or not...
Feeling totally overwhelmed today and lonely...
There is no one to count on but ME
No one to depend on but ME

Fatigue

What do you do when someone tires of you?
How do you deal with the pain?
What happens when love deserts you?
How can you love again?

Only One?

You think you know someone, but I dont thinks that is even possible.
I mean, to ever truely know someone.
You think you`re happy, you think everything is ok and
WHAM
nothing is what you think, its all been a lie
"In the end there can be only one.."
Its true, it the end you only have yourself to depend on.

I hear of this from a fellow geek and thought I would give it a try!
Although I am not sure what I will write about or who would want to read it.
But hey its therapy right???