Thank you Craig's List...
Current mood: hopeful

Rant: Ode to the Nice girl
Reply to: anon-114087824@craigslist.org
Date: Sun Nov 27 18:18:35 2005


Ode to the Nice Girls
This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.


I've read the tribute to the nice guys; this is my response.

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Sometimes the nice girl gets sick of waiting

Currently listening :
Portishead
By Portishead
Release date: By 30 September, 1997

Yes I have finally done it.. and here is the proof...... Yea Me!!!

Resolutions

Why do we make these??? What is the point?? No one ever remembers them nor do they keep them... I usually skip them entirely.. This year.. this year is going to be a good year.. I resolved myself not to take any CRAP with me into the new year.... its all banished into the great beyond.. time for a completely clean slate. So for my resolution.. i am going to get myself a passport and use it at least one time this year... I have already filled out the aplication, just need to go in with a couple pictures and pay the fees ($97)... So now the only question is WHERE SHOULD I GO?? All suggestions are welcome... Its a big world out there soo much to see I need to get cracking already.....

Currently listening :
Darkest Days
By Stabbing Westward
Release date: By 07 April, 1998

My Thoughts Exactly...

Happy Hump Day!
Current mood: bored

Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

1:44 PM


Only 2 more days....
Current mood: blah

Ok I only have 2 more days to Christmas, and I haven't even started...
I am totally screwed.. I feel like scrooge this year.
I am highly unmotivated, and not really in the spirit this year..
Usually I enjoy putting up the tree and decorating but this year I skipped it..
I tried boycotting all together but that would destroy my mother.
I mean its a small enough group this year so my absence would be noticted...
I am looking forward to Sunday morning because it will all be over and I can curl up in bed with Lacey and do nothing for the next 3 days..........

Thanks you a friend I just thought of my New Year's Resolution ( even if I dont' really believe in them or the concept)
I am going to get a passport and make sure I use it!!!
I haven't been out of they country yet, its about time I did...

1:28 PM


I Give Up.....

its too hard, too emotional, too much bullshit

12:59 PM


why are women so STUPID
Current mood: angry

I can't believe what we put up with!!!!

2:15 AM

The world is too small...
Current mood: perplexed

Its seems that everytime I meet someone new, they already know someone that I know.
I don't really think that I know THAT many people..
How come everyone is so intertwined???

I mean I dated someone over 7 years ago, and I meet a girl and she was currently dating the same guy... and when she introduced us, we both pretended we'd never met... Maybe that is easier than having to explain why we know each other or the extent that we did....

I met someone else this past summer that a friend of mine had gone out with a few times....

Stuff like that seems to keep happening lately....

Currently listening :
Silver Side Up
By Nickelback
Release date: By 11 September, 2001

Virgo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:
You`re incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.
You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.
A good work ethic. You`ll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.

Your negative traits:
Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.

Your ideal partner:
Values success in life as much as you do
Fits a checklist of qualities you`ve been looking for since childhood
Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic

Your dating style:
Active. You`re a bit hyper, so you`d prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.

Your seduction style:
You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you`re totally uninhibited
You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets
A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love
Tips for the future:
Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.

I used to be into buttons...

but not so much anymore..
Although one was given to me yesterday
(thanks Natalie)
She found it on the bus...

Stop Using Jesus as
an excuse for being a
Narrow-Minded
Bigoted Asshole



Currently watching :
Mean Girls (Widescreen Edition)
Release date: By 21 September, 2004

Congratulations to me
Current mood: indescribable

Graduation
It supposed to be a happy day... but days like that are too hard to come by.
Its taken me forever to get this far, but it is really worth it..
It really is just a piece of paper...
How do you celebrate that?
I will likely come home and polish off a bottle of wine, trying to figure out why I went into so much debt for a piece of paper....
I somehow have to get though 2 hours of complete Hell.. All happy faces, all friends and family around.. and me... alone.. Not one single person that I know will be there, no one physically anyways.
Dad, I hope you'll be able to see this... You're the reason I finally finished!

Currently listening :
Fuck Religion Fuck Politics Fuck the Lot of You/Don't Throw It All Away
By Chaotic Dischord
Release date: By 03 July, 2001

Another Lie unfolds....

why can't people just tell the truth. I can't understand why people lie, just for the heck of it. Its completely unnecessary. I would prefer the truth even if its hurtful. Lies seem to alway come out in the end anyways....

The only other thing that bothers me is people that don't do what they say they are going to do... I need to be around reliable honest people.

21 things....
Current mood: cynical

"21 Things I Want In A Lover"

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...

Currently listening :
Under Rug Swept
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: By 26 February, 2002

Friends

I have thought alot about your proposal, actually I have not been able to think of anything else.

I am sorry, but I come with strings, I get attached and I get involved. But you already know that.

The irony in all of this is that you communicate with me more now and are more concerned that you were before, which makes me like you more as a person.

I can be your friend but my friendship doesn't come with the benefits that you are looking for.

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

    Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

    Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master

    Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

    You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.


ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Beautiful

Everyday is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain,
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, Oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness,
The pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone,
Ain't that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, no, no
Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
(yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always, always shine)
But tomorrow we might awake
On the other side

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Yeah, yeah, ooh,
So don't you bring me down, mmm, today



Currently listening :
Beautiful
By Christina Aguilera
Release date: By 11 March, 2

Yes I am home drinking alone, what have you....

being alone sucks ass. I hate the fact that I need to get used to it.. I never thought I would be here again.. what happed to people wanted to be together forever.. how come no one wants that anymore... maybe they do, but just not with me.. I am never "THE ONE".... I do for the moment but not for the long haul... I guess I just wish I knew why.. If I knew that maybe I would accept taht easier....

What a FABULOUS Day!
Current mood: Elated

Its Friday, and I am only working a half day. In and of itself it a wonderful thing. I am headed for an afternoon of shopping, normally not my favorite passtime, but I am looking forward to it.

More than today being good, LIFE is GOOD!

I can honestly say that I am happy with my life at this point in time. I mean I haven't exactly accomplished everything I set out to do but I have plenty of time to get those things done.
This year has been one hell of a roller coaster. Its had all its up and downs but I think I have landed on top and I am ready to ride all over again!
I think because of the bad things that happened to me this year, I have learned alot and am a stronger happier person for it.
I normally have more male friends than female friends, but I have seemed to loose hold of everyone...
This past summer I have finally accumulated a great group of Girlfriends...
I mean if all the bad hadn't happen I may never have found any of them..
I would have kept living like I was living...
In a relationship but still totally all alone.
It took meeting these girls and getting to know them to give me the strength that I have now..
I am getting back to doing all the things I love to do. The things I was missing out on. The things I gave up without even realizing it.
I was moving along day to day but not really living.
I was getting by but I was missing out on what was important. ME!
Yes it sounds selfish but to bad!
Every now and then you have be a bit selfish and take care of yourself so you don't loose yourself in the process.
Sure I lost the love of my life, but I have gained myself.
All the pieces are falling in to place..

Even if I never finish the puzzle, I will make damned sure I have fun trying!!!!!!!!

Currently listening :
Jagged Little Pill
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: By 13 June, 1995

Just Another Friday....
Current mood: rejected

Once again its a Friday. My weekend is packed with "GIRLS NIGHT OUT"
The more I am out, the less likely I am to sulk and feel sorry for myself. I truely miss having someone that cares about where I am and what I am doing.. Someone that loves me no matter what... Its so hard to find.. Am I getting pickier as I get older?? I dont' know but I rarely meet anyone that is interesting. Maybe I just expect too much from people.. I am just feeling a tad lonely.. I miss all the small things.. Cooking dinner together, watching tv, lounging around on a Sunday afternoon.. I liked being settled.. I was happy and content.. I am so reluctant to start over again, seems like too much work for something that is likely to fail again... I know I am being synical but I guess I am still mourning my loss and not quite ready to rethink the future...

Currently listening :
Wither Blister Burn & Peel
By Stabbing Westward
Release date: By 23 January, 1996

My New Anthem!
Current mood: blah

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed

You say you’re gonna burn before you’re mellow
I’ll be the one to burn you
Why’d ya have to go and pick me
When you knew that we were different
Completely

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed

Your wildness scares me so does your freedom
See I can’t stand the restrictions
I found myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn’t have to

And I feel so mean
I feel in-between
Cause I’m about to
Give you away

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend(for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend(you’re making a mistake)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them(all the time we wasted)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl...friend

And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed

I’m about to give you away
For someone else to take
I’m about to give you away
For someone else to take

You repeated mistakes for sourvenirs
We’ve been in-between the days for years
I believed it when I said you were going to die
Now I’m gonna watch you and you know why
Its gonna kill me to see you with the next girl
Cause I’m almost awfully so jealous cause the next girl
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed

I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend

And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed

WTF
Current mood: depressed

I don't even know where to start.. Everything is soo Fucked up.
How could I have been so wrong...
For so long all I wanted to do was spend my life with him...
He was my world, my everything..
The moment I met him I knew something there was something special about him, something I wanted to spend my life figuring out, learning about.
That was almost 7 year ago. I thought we'd been throught so much together that nothing would break us up.. NOTHING... but no relationship will work with only one person...

Everything was all a lie...I believed he loved me as much as I loved him.
I remember the moment that I fell in love with him. I wasn't even dating him.. He was with some else.. I met her later that same night.. I guess that I never realized there would alway be someone else...

I mean at some point I figured its been years how could he possibly have time for anyone else.. I tusted our love... I figured I loved him so much and we were happy... I figured wrong...

Whether he phsyically cheated or not.. I will NEVER know... but there were always other women on his brain, possibly in his heart.. Most of them I found out about.. I bet there are others I didn't..

There was this entirely second secret life that I wasn't apart of.... Its hard to imagine anyone would choose to live like that... i have trouble keeping track of myself let alone trying to conceal people and relationships...

I kidded myself thinking that he loved me and would always come back to me... WTF was I thinking... no one deserves that kind of treatment...

I understand that relationthips take work.. but none should have been as hard as this was...

I finally came up with the strength that I never thought I would have.. I finally ended things for good.. I got some closure...I thought that would help... Its so cliche and crap... Doesn't make me feel any better.. I just cut the string I had been dangled on for years...

As I left his house.. giving him his things, and taking mine.. who should I see at the corner of his block... the same woman he was seeing when I realized I was in love with him...

What are chances... maybe too coincidental... maybe he was meeting her later that evening.. maybe he had been still seeing her all this time... It would not surprise me.. I dont' think anything would anymore...

I can't even think straight right now... sure I lost a love.. one that I thought was forever, but i also lost my best friend...

He was the one person in this world that knew me better than I know myself.. he knew my issues, my problems, and he still loved me..

Is it really true, are men incapable of loyalty and fidelity???

Seether:
Current mood: hopeful


"Fuck It"

I guess I like it when we play
(The way you drag me down)
I guess I like it when you hate me
(The way you drag me down)
Cause I can't face myself in a mirror
(I'm left alone with all my pain)
And I disgrace myself in the mirror
(I'm left alone with my shame)

Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me

I guess I like it when we fight
(The way you drag me down)
I guess I like it when you smite me
(The way you drag me down)
Cause I can't face myself in a mirror
(I'm left alone with all my pain)
And I disgrace myself in the mirror
(I'm left alone with my shame)

Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me

You're out of luck - can't get a piece of me
It's all blown up. Don't even fuck with me.
I cannot please you all forever
I cannot please you at all
(I can feel you coming up behind me)

Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me