Hating everything right now...

Being fooled

That moment you realize that the relationship you thought you were in is over, rather it didn't actually exist. It'd the single worst feeling on the world, I can't eat, can't sleep, can't function.  The downfall of being independent means your always alone. Even when you wish you weren't.  I guess I am wondering what I've done to deserve this.  What was so bad that I keep being treated like I don't matter

so......

I can't remember the last time I was a consistent blogger. It seems to come in cycles.. Usually when I need to clear crap out of my head.. Its my own personal form of therapy.. I know that no one ever reads this, and I don't care if they do.. This is something I do for me, and only for me. It clears things out of my already over crowded brain.. If only my writing could be my source of income.  I am not nearly creative enough nor do I have decent grammar to make money off my thought stream.

Yet it seems to help me immensely and makes me feel better, keeps me sane... stops me from saying things to people that I really don't need..  Its my way to vent.. again to clear the clutter the mental clutter..  My mind has been working overtime lately.. not sure why or what is causing it.  Its interrupting my sleep, I LOVE my sleep.  I toss and turn alot, watch tv at all hours.. makes it hard to get ready and get to work everyday..

Work is getting more and more stressful, less people trying to carry the same workload. its impossible to get completely caught up.  I feel like I am slacking by going to lunch.. but some days you just need to walk away before you storm out and never return.

I generally live with little regret, especially since all my bad decisions and mistakes are what got me to this point here.. I mean I am not exactly a millionoaire-ess but I do ok.. I survive, I over spend.. I try to save money and fail... I am just an person in those regards. Trying my best to be able to get out and travel more.. there is so much to see in this world and not enough time in life to soak it all in.

This past August I finally made it out of the USA.. I made it all the way to Norway.. I went to visit my Sister and her family, since having a place to stay made it more affordable and allowed me to actually get there.. so now I need to save so I can get Austin to visit a friend and also get back to Vegas in May for PRB... Ideally I would also like to get back to Europe this summer too but not sure if all of this is in the cards.. but I am going to try and save all of my pennies to make all of this happen.

So hopefully I can remember to keep this up like I always promise myself.. make these posts more uniform and less scatterbrained.. but generally I am scatterbrained, and I am totally ok with it