"Are You Still Mad ?"

are you still mad I kicked you out of bed?
are you still mad I gave you ultimatums?
are you still mad I compared you to all
my forty year old male friends?
are you still mad I shared our problems
with everybody?

are you still mad I had an emotional affair?
are you still mad I tried to mold you into
who I wanted you to be?
are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions?
of course you are
of course you are

are you still mad that I flirted wildly?
are you still mad I had a tendency to mother you?
are you still mad that I had one foot out of the door?
are you still mad that we slept together even after
we had ended it?
of course you are
of course you are

are you still mad I wore the pants most of the time?
are you still mad that I seemed to focus
only on your potential?
are you still mad that I threw in the towel?
are you still mad that I gave up long before you did?
of course you are
of course you are

"You Complete Me"

I am lost in the darkness
Between two worlds and here I'm struggling
You're the light that I've been seeking
'Cause my whole life there's been something missing
Only you
Can make me whole
Just one touch
And you complete me
Only you
Can make me whole
Just one touch
And you complete me

Rescue me from this black hole
That sucked me in and left my dying
You're the truth that I've been seeking
'Cause my whole life I've been lying

Only you
Can make me whole
Just one touch
And you complete me
Only you
Can make me whole
Just one touch
And you complete me

God I pray you find me worthy
Of the right to stand beside you
And of your truth and of your passion
Of the right to sleep beside you

Only you
Can make me whole
Just one touch
And you complete me
Only you
Can make me whole
Just one touch
And you complete me
Just one touch
And you complete me
Just one touch
And you complete me
Just one touch
And you complete me

And here it begins... After being single this entire year I finally meet someone that I like and seems to like me too.. We've been on 4 dates.. which never happens to me.. I usually never make it past 2 dates.. Its not that I am meeting bad guys, crazy guys, or just plain jerks.. I have met some really great people but the chemistry hasn't been there.. I liked them and was happy to have met them but no sparks.. these are guys that I like enough to fix them up with someone I know but they just weren't for me.. and I NEVER play matchmaker.. I spent all summer trying to figure out why I was being so picky.. I don't want to settle into something just to be in a relationship.. To me it needs to be the "right" relationship.. otherwise its just a waste of both of our times.. I am a bit blunt and don't want to lead anyone on...

Ok Now I like this guy.. things are going good and moving along.. and my nerouses take over.. since its so slow at work.. I have too much time to think.. I am over thinking all of it.. I sit here and anticipate emails from him.. I used to get them a couple times a day .. but now I am lucky if I get one at all.. so when I send them I am feeling like a pest.. I am not waiting for his calls, but I always hoping to talk to him.. I look forward to seeing him every chance I get.. I am worried I am getting too invested too soon.. and feel like I will drive him away... and that is the last thing I want... We are both so busy its going to be difficult to make time for each other.. its a good thing I am good at time management.. I thrive on chaos and over booking.. somehow I always get everything accomplished and everything gets taken care of.. I need the stress as a motivator.. otherwise I get lazy and useless..

I am just hoping I am not getting ahead of myself... I hate the feeling of fear, of the unknown.. I like having a bit of security.. just something that I know he is interested and wants to keep trying... Is that too much to ask?? or is it to soon to expect that.. Its been almost a month.. I don't know it's been so long since I have been in the dating world.. I don't know what is normal.. what people are doing.. what is acceptable?? I am trying not to get my hopes up... but still acting all silly like a teenagers.. its fun to have something to look forward to and be giddy about...

One day a small opening appeared on a cocoon. A man sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force it's body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further. So the man decided tohelp the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expande to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happend! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the resticting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening was God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

We Could Never Fly!

Professional

Well its Monday morning, I made it through an entire week at this new job. Not sure how long I can last here. There is not enough to do and everything here is extremely illogical. I had forgotten what it was like to work in a corporation.. It takes so many layers of people to get anything accomplished, not only that but everyone wants to pass the buck. I was used to HAVING to do it all myself. Its an extremely hard adjustment.

Personal

Well I am in a sort relationshipl sort of not.. I don't even know what the Eff is going on. Let me describe this if I can without too much anger and too much detail.
I met this guy over a year ago, we dated for a few months.. he dumped me to go back to his ex... somehow we stayed friends.. hanging out occassionally. Well the reconcilation didn't last.. I think maybe 3 whole weeks.. So we are friends and he wants to "take me out" again, funny how that works huh? So I reluctantly agree.. we have a good time even though things are a bit awkward.. but I know I am not willing to get involved again, I should NOT have gone.. but alas we are friends and discussed it. I do NOT want to be any more than friends.. We are still friends and still hanging out.. nothing more.. hes dating others and so am I. I am finding it difficult to find someone that I connect with. we talk about the dates, the bad the good.. like friends would.. recently hes seems jealous.. but I can't understand why.. hes the one with the revolving door of women (his words not mine). A couple weeks ago while we were out ( on a thursday i think). Hes complaining about random things.. drinking too much.. getting into a bad mood.. Hes discussing how he wants a relationship blah blah blah... which is the opposite of anything he ever wanted before, but he's drunk and chalk it up to drunk and lonely.. He asked me to come up to his place get his dog for a walk and they will walk me to my car... Here is where it gets bizarre.

He gets behind me, wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me. For once in my life I was speechless... If it had been a year ago I would have bee estatic..but now too much has happened and I know too much about him... the more I learned, the more he was like my ex.. No way am I knowingly getting involved with an alcholic. Too many mood swings and problems to go along with that..

So needless to say things are awkard.. I think he tinks we're working on a relationship but as for me I don't want that not one bit. I want to find my forever... no more random dating and putting up with crap..

Life in General

Well after watching Da Bears(4-0) kick ass last night, I got to hear the Superbowl shuffle on the radio on my way to work and after that was an old Posion song.. ( my favorite hair band from HS).. then a Beatles song after that... how strange a conbintion on the radio.. but made for a pleasant drive...

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you
I've changed my mind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We have been friends for a very long time ...
let's say we stop?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay J

I Think That I Shall Never See

A guy who's perfect just for me
A man who's bright and bore me,
whos the good taste to adore me
One'll make my insides tingle
Who is (dare I hope it?) single
And who if our lips should lock
can send my hormones into shock
A man whose passion doesn't wane
when he finds out I've got a brain
Yet one who'll flatterm charm, and flirt
(a lot of money couldn't hurt)
So if you see my Mr. Right
feel free to call me day or night
And if he doesn't come along - - -
Perhaps I'll consider Mr. Wrong

I hate this feeling.
Current mood: Creative
Category: Life

I Hate the Feeling

This feeling of uselessnessss
This feeling of loneliness
This feeling of uncertainty
This feeling of confusion
This feeling of depression
This feeling of elation
This feeling of being loved
This feeling of helplessness
This feeling of boredom
This feeling of desparation
This feeling of depression
This feeling of accomplishment
This feeling of failure
This feeling of self reliance
This feeling of independence
This feeling of wanting
This feeling of contentment

They all exist and fight for control..

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The Raven
Edgar Allan Poe


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

I don't get it at all...
Current mood: confused

Why do men like to FUCK with your head.. honestly I don't need this...

I mean would someone really say " I LOVE YOU" just to get sex... I mean really... at 35 years old.. at 16 I would believe it.. but not now....

Although I don't think he would use those words lightly... he did say I love you NOT I am IN love with you... two different things...

he was drunk and he probably meant as just a friend...

FUCK why am I still thinking about this...

he has a date tomorrow and probably a different girl next week...

I think I have had the breath sucked out of me
Current mood: shocked
Category: Romance and Relationships

Ok we had been talking online for years and had never met until this year... anyhow.. I was visiting his band's myspace page.. since he had gotten mad and deleted his... he was just on my mind is all since I hadn't talked to him in a while....

so on his band's page is a picture of him and a girl (in the friends list).. no surprises he frequently poses with girls... so he had a new page and didn't add me as a friend.. I was a tad crushed.. so being the myspace stalker that we all are ( thats why you're my friends!!!) I had to investigate thoroughly..

Well here is what I found on both of their pages... they are both head of heels in love.. which I am extremely happy for him.. hes one of the nicest people I have ever met... She is only 21 and has moved into his house after only 4.5 months... SHOCKED.. I have been talking to him online and by phone for years and it really seems so out or character for him... I am utterly speechless and just needed to get this out...

Yes I am happy he found someone.. and she seems utterly adoring of him... but she is 21 and that infatuation doesn't usually last the lifetime that I know he is hoping for.... but again, I don't know her and I haven't talked to him too much lately.. and the funny thing is I met him a few days(in life) before he met her (from what I can gather)... amazing how ironic that seems to me......

I sent him a quick message via myspace... not too personal or too odd since they are living together and I don't know how much sharing they do....lol

Thanks for Listening (reading) everyone, I hope you are all having a good weekend.

I took this but I don't agree with the results.... oh well I guess it can't be right 100% of the time.. I am the exception that proves the rule...lol

You Are An ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

What's Your Personality Type?

What I've Learned: Pamela Anderson

Superblond, 39, Malibu, California

People say I'm the ultimate California girl, which is funny, being that I'm Canadian.

Come on, people! It's never what it seems.

My grandfather was a healer from Finland. My real last name is Hyytiänen. He changed it to Anderson when he came to Canada. All of his brothers changed their names, too, so I have a feeling that maybe something bad happened in Finland.

My breasts have a career. I'm just tagging along.

I'm a soccer mom.

I'm T-ball, soccer, karate, homework, keeping them on their schedules. I love being the snack mom, when I get to bring the cut oranges. I have one of those coolers with wheels. I'm at every game, every practice, sitting on my blanket. I love it.

I had kids to raise them myself.

I'm kind of proud of myself. I've been able to keep a certain grace about me, even in the times of disgrace and craziness.

Baywatch was a great show. It was completely mindless. You could turn it on in any language and still be entertained. You could turn it on halfway through an episode and still enjoy it. Now that's entertainment.

Are you kidding? Of course there's a red bathing suit in my new clothing line.

You'd think that my fans would be the guys who are too drunk to turn the channel after football. But surprisingly, from all the demographic research that people have done on me, we've found out that I have a huge female following. It's a girl-girl type thing.

Stripperella? I don't know what I was expecting. Nipples that cut glass. Life is funny.

Eventually you just have to realize that you're living for an audience of one. I'm not here for anyone else's approval.

In order for a man to feel whole, he needs someone to look up to and someone to look up to him.

Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror.

The best decisions you ever make are usually the ones you make even when everyone else says not to do it.

Yes, Hef's sleeping with them all. For real! I've actually walked in on him. See, one time I was over at the mansion with some friends. We were swimming in the grotto, and I decided to walk around the house a bit. As I was walking around, I ran into one of the girls. And she's like, "Come upstairs." So I went upstairs, and there's Hef on the bed. There's baby oil, there's toys flying every which way, there's all these girls naked. It was like watching a movie. I was standing in the doorway just looking -- for a really long time. And finally I realized they were all looking at me! I realized, Okay, this is really happening. And then I heard this voice from downstairs. It was [photographer] David LaChapelle. I heard him calling my name. And it kind of snapped me back to reality. I ran back downstairs.

Rock stars are like prophets. There's something about somebody who can get up on a stage and sing. And then when they write you songs, forget it, okay?

You know when a prayer is answered.

My doctor says, "You have hepatitis C." And I go, "Okay, how do I get rid of it?" And he's like, "You can't. This is what you're going to die from." I was in the middle of shooting VIP; I didn't know what to do. This wash came over my body. And then the doctor says, "Do you know how you got it?" I said no. And he said, "Your husband never told you he had it?" It kind of threw me for a while. Obviously, it's a hard thing to tell someone, but I wish he could have had the nerve to tell me. Obviously, his ego was more important than my life.

Sometimes sex gets in the way of a relationship.

My best friend has been my best friend for twenty-five years. She works for the DMV in Canada and has this very normal life. She's beautiful. And she has the same problems that I do; it's just all relative. Like, she works in an office. Sometimes, if someone else says something about her, she's just devastated. And me, I might be in a tabloid or something. But she goes through the same feelings I do. She'll be like, "This girl in the office did this horrible thing to me!" And I'll be like, "Did you see The Enquirer?"

I'm not telling what I'm obsessed with.

I don't know if you can call me an artist or not, but I feel like I've created my life day by day. It wasn't, like, this whole plan: I'm going to conquer the world. I've been blessed with opportunities in Hollywood. I've made a career out of it somehow. I don't even really know how I did it.

Love never goes away; it just changes form.

Time passes, (crap) happens, you do the best you can. We put so much drama into everything. You gotta remember to breathe.

Out of my Mind
Current mood: blah

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of prosperity
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

Currently listening : All the Pain Money Can Buy By Fastball Release date: By 10 March, 1998

I don't get it at all
Current mood: bored
Category: Romance and Relationships

I never like anyone or rarely do... The one person that I let in.. let me down... I really thought we had something but as always I was wrong... He is just as slimey as the rest of them.. with their secret lives and their fake sympathy... trying to make themselves pathetic so you'll help them... I can't take it anymore... why bother to try and trust anyone.. its not worth it... i can take care of myself just fine....

Serendipity
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life

Yeppers, I am home on a Friday night all alone... drinking wine.. I just watched the White Sox lose, they really truely tried to catch up but failed miserably..

Anyway.. I am wathing cheesy romantic comedy Serendipity.. and waiting for fate to hand me a good hand..... so far it hasn't happened yet..

but even as horrible as I feel about EVERYTHING right now... I still have faith that something good is bound to happen to me at some point...

Its just the waiting that is killing me.... I feel like all I do is wait, and I when I try to make something happen, I fail

So anyways I am always the optimist even when life sort of just sucks ass right now....

Today's Horoscope
Current mood: blah
Category: Life

You like a mental challenge. Heres a good one: Challenge yourself to envision what is supposedly too good to be true in the work or romantic realm. Now for bonus points: Envision this scenario with you in the starring role.

Who Knew
Current mood: gloomy

"Who Knew"

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

Currently listening : I'm Not Dead By Pink Release date: By 04 April, 2006

If its the right thing to do, why do I feel so bad??
Current mood: depressed

I had to cut someone out of my life yesterday.. I think it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.. I thought I could always be friends with him no matter what.... I just can't... I tried and tried and tried.. but how can you sit by and watch someone make one bad mistake after another.. and they ask for your help but then they keep going back.... I really hope you read this.. this isn't something I have done lightly... I can't stand by and listen as you do something so morally reprehenisble.. I just can't listen to it anymore... I mean will you ever fucking learn.... Maybe it will take jail time for you to learn your lesson... and you can't blame this one me... maybe for once you'll take some responsibility for your actions... I mean you are an adult! I hope you get the help you need and one day are a better person for it.. but for now I just can't be in your life anymore... Its not healthy for me... for once I need to think about me and my well being and STOP worrying about you... You've made it quite clear that I dont' matter anymore... so stop burdening me with your problems, I have my own to deal with.

D-O-N-E Done
Current mood: pissed off

I have totally had it! I am sick of feelin inferior because I don't have the perfect bod.. guess what looking perfect doesn't automatically make you a good person.. yet they are all treated differently.. sorry nature wasn't that kind to me and I have more going on in my life than being a trophy.... being drunk on Monday doesnt help either...

Sorry for the rant everyone... just a tad pissy is all

Yea Un huh

Why do we ending up liking the wrong boys?? I mean we know they aren't good for us but we are still drawn to them.. its like a horrible addiction.. its one that I can not KICK.. I keep trying and trying but when one is gone another addiction takes its place... I can't remember when I actually wanted to date a "nice" guy that I met... I find them dull and without personality... The "nice' ones are the ones that are actually into me, into knowing about me, interested in me as a person... but noooooooooooooooooo I dont' want any part of them.. I want the ones the break my heart over and over again, the ones that are more likely to want my friends and not me... the ones that don't listen to me or care about what I have to say... Sure they are willing to sleep with me, but no they don't want to "date" me.... and they sure as hell dont' want you to meet their friends or anyone else that knows them.... Its part of my resolution this year, to break the addiction completely.. No man should be allowed to make any of us feel bad....

Currently listening :
X
By INXS
Release date: By 15 October, 2002

I just don't get it....
Current mood: irritated

Why are boys only interested when they can't have you... Its like something goes off in their head and you suddenly become desireable... but when they have you they loose interest.... its all about the chase..... IDIOTS!!!!


P.S. for those of you reading this.. its not directed at anyone specifically... just a random observation.... stop with the mean messages already

Currently listening :
Greatest Hits
By Guns N' Roses
Release date: By 23 March, 2004

I wish this weren't true...

Travel Joke from a co-worker

A Hawaiian Woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaiian woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.

The Hawaii woodpecker was in awe.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a Canadian tree that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.

After flying to Canada , the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem. The two woodpeckers were now confused.

How is that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much pecking, they both came to the same conclusion:
Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

Currently listening :
Be Yourself
By Audioslave
Release date: By 21 June, 2005

Road Trip....
Current mood: excited

And so the Travelling begins...

I am headed to Peoria for a concert, Nickelback...
Yes, some of you will laugh.. but I really like them..
and yes Peoria is still in the state but I figure I will start close and working my way farther away....
Its nice to just get out of town everynow and then..
Escape the big city live and visit the county...lol

Currently listening :
Remedy
By Seether
Release date: By 11 August, 2005

Thank you Craig's List...
Current mood: hopeful

Rant: Ode to the Nice girl
Reply to: anon-114087824@craigslist.org
Date: Sun Nov 27 18:18:35 2005


Ode to the Nice Girls
This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.


I've read the tribute to the nice guys; this is my response.

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Sometimes the nice girl gets sick of waiting

Currently listening :
Portishead
By Portishead
Release date: By 30 September, 1997