THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you
I've changed my mind.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
We have been friends for a very long time ...
let's say we stop?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay J
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
I Think That I Shall Never See
A guy who's perfect just for me
A man who's bright and bore me,
whos the good taste to adore me
One'll make my insides tingle
Who is (dare I hope it?) single
And who if our lips should lock
can send my hormones into shock
A man whose passion doesn't wane
when he finds out I've got a brain
Yet one who'll flatterm charm, and flirt
(a lot of money couldn't hurt)
So if you see my Mr. Right
feel free to call me day or night
And if he doesn't come along - - -
Perhaps I'll consider Mr. Wrong
A guy who's perfect just for me
A man who's bright and bore me,
whos the good taste to adore me
One'll make my insides tingle
Who is (dare I hope it?) single
And who if our lips should lock
can send my hormones into shock
A man whose passion doesn't wane
when he finds out I've got a brain
Yet one who'll flatterm charm, and flirt
(a lot of money couldn't hurt)
So if you see my Mr. Right
feel free to call me day or night
And if he doesn't come along - - -
Perhaps I'll consider Mr. Wrong
I hate this feeling.
Current mood: Creative
Category: Life
I Hate the Feeling
This feeling of uselessnessss
This feeling of loneliness
This feeling of uncertainty
This feeling of confusion
This feeling of depression
This feeling of elation
This feeling of being loved
This feeling of helplessness
This feeling of boredom
This feeling of desparation
This feeling of depression
This feeling of accomplishment
This feeling of failure
This feeling of self reliance
This feeling of independence
This feeling of wanting
This feeling of contentment
They all exist and fight for control..
Current mood: Creative
Category: Life
I Hate the Feeling
This feeling of uselessnessss
This feeling of loneliness
This feeling of uncertainty
This feeling of confusion
This feeling of depression
This feeling of elation
This feeling of being loved
This feeling of helplessness
This feeling of boredom
This feeling of desparation
This feeling of depression
This feeling of accomplishment
This feeling of failure
This feeling of self reliance
This feeling of independence
This feeling of wanting
This feeling of contentment
They all exist and fight for control..
Sunday, September 17, 2006
The Raven
Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
Edgar Allan Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow will he leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
I don't get it at all...
Current mood: confused
Why do men like to FUCK with your head.. honestly I don't need this...
I mean would someone really say " I LOVE YOU" just to get sex... I mean really... at 35 years old.. at 16 I would believe it.. but not now....
Although I don't think he would use those words lightly... he did say I love you NOT I am IN love with you... two different things...
he was drunk and he probably meant as just a friend...
FUCK why am I still thinking about this...
he has a date tomorrow and probably a different girl next week...
Current mood: confused
Why do men like to FUCK with your head.. honestly I don't need this...
I mean would someone really say " I LOVE YOU" just to get sex... I mean really... at 35 years old.. at 16 I would believe it.. but not now....
Although I don't think he would use those words lightly... he did say I love you NOT I am IN love with you... two different things...
he was drunk and he probably meant as just a friend...
FUCK why am I still thinking about this...
he has a date tomorrow and probably a different girl next week...
Sunday, September 03, 2006
I think I have had the breath sucked out of me
Current mood: 
shocked
Category: Romance and Relationships
so on his band's page is a picture of him and a girl (in the friends list).. no surprises he frequently poses with girls... so he had a new page and didn't add me as a friend.. I was a tad crushed.. so being the myspace stalker that we all are ( thats why you're my friends!!!) I had to investigate thoroughly..
Well here is what I found on both of their pages... they are both head of heels in love.. which I am extremely happy for him.. hes one of the nicest people I have ever met... She is only 21 and has moved into his house after only 4.5 months... SHOCKED.. I have been talking to him online and by phone for years and it really seems so out or character for him... I am utterly speechless and just needed to get this out...
Yes I am happy he found someone.. and she seems utterly adoring of him... but she is 21 and that infatuation doesn't usually last the lifetime that I know he is hoping for.... but again, I don't know her and I haven't talked to him too much lately.. and the funny thing is I met him a few days(in life) before he met her (from what I can gather)... amazing how ironic that seems to me......
I sent him a quick message via myspace... not too personal or too odd since they are living together and I don't know how much sharing they do....lol
Thanks for Listening (reading) everyone, I hope you are all having a good weekend.
I took this but I don't agree with the results.... oh well I guess it can't be right 100% of the time.. I am the exception that proves the rule...lol
| You Are An ENTP |
The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor. |
What I've Learned: Pamela Anderson
Superblond, 39, Malibu, California
People say I'm the ultimate California girl, which is funny, being that I'm Canadian.
Come on, people! It's never what it seems.
My grandfather was a healer from Finland. My real last name is Hyytiänen. He changed it to Anderson when he came to Canada. All of his brothers changed their names, too, so I have a feeling that maybe something bad happened in Finland.
My breasts have a career. I'm just tagging along.
I'm a soccer mom.
I'm T-ball, soccer, karate, homework, keeping them on their schedules. I love being the snack mom, when I get to bring the cut oranges. I have one of those coolers with wheels. I'm at every game, every practice, sitting on my blanket. I love it.
I had kids to raise them myself.
I'm kind of proud of myself. I've been able to keep a certain grace about me, even in the times of disgrace and craziness.
Baywatch was a great show. It was completely mindless. You could turn it on in any language and still be entertained. You could turn it on halfway through an episode and still enjoy it. Now that's entertainment.
Are you kidding? Of course there's a red bathing suit in my new clothing line.
You'd think that my fans would be the guys who are too drunk to turn the channel after football. But surprisingly, from all the demographic research that people have done on me, we've found out that I have a huge female following. It's a girl-girl type thing.
Stripperella? I don't know what I was expecting. Nipples that cut glass. Life is funny.
Eventually you just have to realize that you're living for an audience of one. I'm not here for anyone else's approval.
In order for a man to feel whole, he needs someone to look up to and someone to look up to him.
Natural beauty takes at least two hours in front of a mirror.
The best decisions you ever make are usually the ones you make even when everyone else says not to do it.
Yes, Hef's sleeping with them all. For real! I've actually walked in on him. See, one time I was over at the mansion with some friends. We were swimming in the grotto, and I decided to walk around the house a bit. As I was walking around, I ran into one of the girls. And she's like, "Come upstairs." So I went upstairs, and there's Hef on the bed. There's baby oil, there's toys flying every which way, there's all these girls naked. It was like watching a movie. I was standing in the doorway just looking -- for a really long time. And finally I realized they were all looking at me! I realized, Okay, this is really happening. And then I heard this voice from downstairs. It was [photographer] David LaChapelle. I heard him calling my name. And it kind of snapped me back to reality. I ran back downstairs.
Rock stars are like prophets. There's something about somebody who can get up on a stage and sing. And then when they write you songs, forget it, okay?
You know when a prayer is answered.
My doctor says, "You have hepatitis C." And I go, "Okay, how do I get rid of it?" And he's like, "You can't. This is what you're going to die from." I was in the middle of shooting VIP; I didn't know what to do. This wash came over my body. And then the doctor says, "Do you know how you got it?" I said no. And he said, "Your husband never told you he had it?" It kind of threw me for a while. Obviously, it's a hard thing to tell someone, but I wish he could have had the nerve to tell me. Obviously, his ego was more important than my life.
Sometimes sex gets in the way of a relationship.
My best friend has been my best friend for twenty-five years. She works for the DMV in Canada and has this very normal life. She's beautiful. And she has the same problems that I do; it's just all relative. Like, she works in an office. Sometimes, if someone else says something about her, she's just devastated. And me, I might be in a tabloid or something. But she goes through the same feelings I do. She'll be like, "This girl in the office did this horrible thing to me!" And I'll be like, "Did you see The Enquirer?"
I'm not telling what I'm obsessed with.
I don't know if you can call me an artist or not, but I feel like I've created my life day by day. It wasn't, like, this whole plan: I'm going to conquer the world. I've been blessed with opportunities in Hollywood. I've made a career out of it somehow. I don't even really know how I did it.
Love never goes away; it just changes form.
Time passes, (crap) happens, you do the best you can. We put so much drama into everything. You gotta remember to breathe.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Out of my Mind
Current mood: 
blah
Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of prosperity
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say
Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too
 | Currently listening : All the Pain Money Can Buy By Fastball Release date: By 10 March, 1998 |
I don't get it at all
Current mood: 
bored
Category: Romance and Relationships
Serendipity
Current mood: 
optimistic
Category: Life
Anyway.. I am wathing cheesy romantic comedy Serendipity.. and waiting for fate to hand me a good hand..... so far it hasn't happened yet..
but even as horrible as I feel about EVERYTHING right now... I still have faith that something good is bound to happen to me at some point...
Its just the waiting that is killing me.... I feel like all I do is wait, and I when I try to make something happen, I fail
So anyways I am always the optimist even when life sort of just sucks ass right now....
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