Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Resolutions
Why do we make these??? What is the point?? No one ever remembers them nor do they keep them... I usually skip them entirely.. This year.. this year is going to be a good year.. I resolved myself not to take any CRAP with me into the new year.... its all banished into the great beyond.. time for a completely clean slate. So for my resolution.. i am going to get myself a passport and use it at least one time this year... I have already filled out the aplication, just need to go in with a couple pictures and pay the fees ($97)... So now the only question is WHERE SHOULD I GO?? All suggestions are welcome... Its a big world out there soo much to see I need to get cracking already.....
Currently listening :
Darkest Days
By Stabbing Westward
Release date: By 07 April, 1998
Why do we make these??? What is the point?? No one ever remembers them nor do they keep them... I usually skip them entirely.. This year.. this year is going to be a good year.. I resolved myself not to take any CRAP with me into the new year.... its all banished into the great beyond.. time for a completely clean slate. So for my resolution.. i am going to get myself a passport and use it at least one time this year... I have already filled out the aplication, just need to go in with a couple pictures and pay the fees ($97)... So now the only question is WHERE SHOULD I GO?? All suggestions are welcome... Its a big world out there soo much to see I need to get cracking already.....
Currently listening :
Darkest Days
By Stabbing Westward
Release date: By 07 April, 1998
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Happy Hump Day!
Current mood: bored
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
1:44 PM
Only 2 more days....
Current mood: blah
Ok I only have 2 more days to Christmas, and I haven't even started...
I am totally screwed.. I feel like scrooge this year.
I am highly unmotivated, and not really in the spirit this year..
Usually I enjoy putting up the tree and decorating but this year I skipped it..
I tried boycotting all together but that would destroy my mother.
I mean its a small enough group this year so my absence would be noticted...
I am looking forward to Sunday morning because it will all be over and I can curl up in bed with Lacey and do nothing for the next 3 days..........
Thanks you a friend I just thought of my New Year's Resolution ( even if I dont' really believe in them or the concept)
I am going to get a passport and make sure I use it!!!
I haven't been out of they country yet, its about time I did...
1:28 PM
I Give Up.....
its too hard, too emotional, too much bullshit
12:59 PM
why are women so STUPID
Current mood: angry
I can't believe what we put up with!!!!
2:15 AM
Current mood: bored
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
1:44 PM
Only 2 more days....
Current mood: blah
Ok I only have 2 more days to Christmas, and I haven't even started...
I am totally screwed.. I feel like scrooge this year.
I am highly unmotivated, and not really in the spirit this year..
Usually I enjoy putting up the tree and decorating but this year I skipped it..
I tried boycotting all together but that would destroy my mother.
I mean its a small enough group this year so my absence would be noticted...
I am looking forward to Sunday morning because it will all be over and I can curl up in bed with Lacey and do nothing for the next 3 days..........
Thanks you a friend I just thought of my New Year's Resolution ( even if I dont' really believe in them or the concept)
I am going to get a passport and make sure I use it!!!
I haven't been out of they country yet, its about time I did...
1:28 PM
I Give Up.....
its too hard, too emotional, too much bullshit
12:59 PM
why are women so STUPID
Current mood: angry
I can't believe what we put up with!!!!
2:15 AM
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The world is too small...
Current mood: perplexed
Its seems that everytime I meet someone new, they already know someone that I know.
I don't really think that I know THAT many people..
How come everyone is so intertwined???
I mean I dated someone over 7 years ago, and I meet a girl and she was currently dating the same guy... and when she introduced us, we both pretended we'd never met... Maybe that is easier than having to explain why we know each other or the extent that we did....
I met someone else this past summer that a friend of mine had gone out with a few times....
Stuff like that seems to keep happening lately....
Currently listening :
Silver Side Up
By Nickelback
Release date: By 11 September, 2001
Current mood: perplexed
Its seems that everytime I meet someone new, they already know someone that I know.
I don't really think that I know THAT many people..
How come everyone is so intertwined???
I mean I dated someone over 7 years ago, and I meet a girl and she was currently dating the same guy... and when she introduced us, we both pretended we'd never met... Maybe that is easier than having to explain why we know each other or the extent that we did....
I met someone else this past summer that a friend of mine had gone out with a few times....
Stuff like that seems to keep happening lately....
Currently listening :
Silver Side Up
By Nickelback
Release date: By 11 September, 2001
Virgo - Your Love Profile
Your positive traits:You`re incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most.
You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions.
A good work ethic. You`ll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work.
Your negative traits:
Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults.
Your ideal partner:
Values success in life as much as you do
Fits a checklist of qualities you`ve been looking for since childhood
Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic
Your dating style:
Active. You`re a bit hyper, so you`d prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking.
Your seduction style:
You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you`re totally uninhibited
You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets
A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love
Tips for the future:
Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
Congratulations to me
Current mood: indescribable
Graduation
It supposed to be a happy day... but days like that are too hard to come by.
Its taken me forever to get this far, but it is really worth it..
It really is just a piece of paper...
How do you celebrate that?
I will likely come home and polish off a bottle of wine, trying to figure out why I went into so much debt for a piece of paper....
I somehow have to get though 2 hours of complete Hell.. All happy faces, all friends and family around.. and me... alone.. Not one single person that I know will be there, no one physically anyways.
Dad, I hope you'll be able to see this... You're the reason I finally finished!
Currently listening :
Fuck Religion Fuck Politics Fuck the Lot of You/Don't Throw It All Away
By Chaotic Dischord
Release date: By 03 July, 2001
Current mood: indescribable
Graduation
It supposed to be a happy day... but days like that are too hard to come by.
Its taken me forever to get this far, but it is really worth it..
It really is just a piece of paper...
How do you celebrate that?
I will likely come home and polish off a bottle of wine, trying to figure out why I went into so much debt for a piece of paper....
I somehow have to get though 2 hours of complete Hell.. All happy faces, all friends and family around.. and me... alone.. Not one single person that I know will be there, no one physically anyways.
Dad, I hope you'll be able to see this... You're the reason I finally finished!
Currently listening :
Fuck Religion Fuck Politics Fuck the Lot of You/Don't Throw It All Away
By Chaotic Dischord
Release date: By 03 July, 2001
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Another Lie unfolds....
why can't people just tell the truth. I can't understand why people lie, just for the heck of it. Its completely unnecessary. I would prefer the truth even if its hurtful. Lies seem to alway come out in the end anyways....
The only other thing that bothers me is people that don't do what they say they are going to do... I need to be around reliable honest people.
why can't people just tell the truth. I can't understand why people lie, just for the heck of it. Its completely unnecessary. I would prefer the truth even if its hurtful. Lies seem to alway come out in the end anyways....
The only other thing that bothers me is people that don't do what they say they are going to do... I need to be around reliable honest people.
Monday, December 05, 2005
21 things....
Current mood: cynical
"21 Things I Want In A Lover"
Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover
I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow
Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...
Currently listening :
Under Rug Swept
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: By 26 February, 2002
Current mood: cynical
"21 Things I Want In A Lover"
Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?
These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover
I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow
Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...
Currently listening :
Under Rug Swept
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: By 26 February, 2002
Friends
I have thought alot about your proposal, actually I have not been able to think of anything else.
I am sorry, but I come with strings, I get attached and I get involved. But you already know that.
The irony in all of this is that you communicate with me more now and are more concerned that you were before, which makes me like you more as a person.
I can be your friend but my friendship doesn't come with the benefits that you are looking for.
I have thought alot about your proposal, actually I have not been able to think of anything else.
I am sorry, but I come with strings, I get attached and I get involved. But you already know that.
The irony in all of this is that you communicate with me more now and are more concerned that you were before, which makes me like you more as a person.
I can be your friend but my friendship doesn't come with the benefits that you are looking for.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
| Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt  Random Brutal Sex Master |
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.
ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth
CONSIDER: The Loverboy
Beautiful
Everyday is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain,
I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, Oh no
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness,
The pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone,
Ain't that the way it is?
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, no, no
Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
(yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always, always shine)
But tomorrow we might awake
On the other side
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Yeah, yeah, ooh,
So don't you bring me down, mmm, today
Currently listening :
Beautiful
By Christina Aguilera
Release date: By 11 March, 2
Everyday is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain,
I'm so ashamed
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, Oh no
So don't you bring me down today
To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness,
The pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone,
Ain't that the way it is?
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, no, no
Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down, oh, no
So don't you bring me down today
No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what we say
(no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune
(yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go
(and everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always, always shine)
But tomorrow we might awake
On the other side
'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down, oh no
So don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
Yeah, yeah, ooh,
So don't you bring me down, mmm, today
Currently listening :
Beautiful
By Christina Aguilera
Release date: By 11 March, 2
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Yes I am home drinking alone, what have you....
being alone sucks ass. I hate the fact that I need to get used to it.. I never thought I would be here again.. what happed to people wanted to be together forever.. how come no one wants that anymore... maybe they do, but just not with me.. I am never "THE ONE".... I do for the moment but not for the long haul... I guess I just wish I knew why.. If I knew that maybe I would accept taht easier....
being alone sucks ass. I hate the fact that I need to get used to it.. I never thought I would be here again.. what happed to people wanted to be together forever.. how come no one wants that anymore... maybe they do, but just not with me.. I am never "THE ONE".... I do for the moment but not for the long haul... I guess I just wish I knew why.. If I knew that maybe I would accept taht easier....
Friday, November 04, 2005
What a FABULOUS Day!
Current mood: Elated
Its Friday, and I am only working a half day. In and of itself it a wonderful thing. I am headed for an afternoon of shopping, normally not my favorite passtime, but I am looking forward to it.
More than today being good, LIFE is GOOD!
I can honestly say that I am happy with my life at this point in time. I mean I haven't exactly accomplished everything I set out to do but I have plenty of time to get those things done.
This year has been one hell of a roller coaster. Its had all its up and downs but I think I have landed on top and I am ready to ride all over again!
I think because of the bad things that happened to me this year, I have learned alot and am a stronger happier person for it.
I normally have more male friends than female friends, but I have seemed to loose hold of everyone...
This past summer I have finally accumulated a great group of Girlfriends...
I mean if all the bad hadn't happen I may never have found any of them..
I would have kept living like I was living...
In a relationship but still totally all alone.
It took meeting these girls and getting to know them to give me the strength that I have now..
I am getting back to doing all the things I love to do. The things I was missing out on. The things I gave up without even realizing it.
I was moving along day to day but not really living.
I was getting by but I was missing out on what was important. ME!
Yes it sounds selfish but to bad!
Every now and then you have be a bit selfish and take care of yourself so you don't loose yourself in the process.
Sure I lost the love of my life, but I have gained myself.
All the pieces are falling in to place..
Even if I never finish the puzzle, I will make damned sure I have fun trying!!!!!!!!
Currently listening :
Jagged Little Pill
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: By 13 June, 1995
Current mood: Elated
Its Friday, and I am only working a half day. In and of itself it a wonderful thing. I am headed for an afternoon of shopping, normally not my favorite passtime, but I am looking forward to it.
More than today being good, LIFE is GOOD!
I can honestly say that I am happy with my life at this point in time. I mean I haven't exactly accomplished everything I set out to do but I have plenty of time to get those things done.
This year has been one hell of a roller coaster. Its had all its up and downs but I think I have landed on top and I am ready to ride all over again!
I think because of the bad things that happened to me this year, I have learned alot and am a stronger happier person for it.
I normally have more male friends than female friends, but I have seemed to loose hold of everyone...
This past summer I have finally accumulated a great group of Girlfriends...
I mean if all the bad hadn't happen I may never have found any of them..
I would have kept living like I was living...
In a relationship but still totally all alone.
It took meeting these girls and getting to know them to give me the strength that I have now..
I am getting back to doing all the things I love to do. The things I was missing out on. The things I gave up without even realizing it.
I was moving along day to day but not really living.
I was getting by but I was missing out on what was important. ME!
Yes it sounds selfish but to bad!
Every now and then you have be a bit selfish and take care of yourself so you don't loose yourself in the process.
Sure I lost the love of my life, but I have gained myself.
All the pieces are falling in to place..
Even if I never finish the puzzle, I will make damned sure I have fun trying!!!!!!!!
Currently listening :
Jagged Little Pill
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: By 13 June, 1995
Friday, October 21, 2005
Just Another Friday....
Current mood: rejected
Once again its a Friday. My weekend is packed with "GIRLS NIGHT OUT"
The more I am out, the less likely I am to sulk and feel sorry for myself. I truely miss having someone that cares about where I am and what I am doing.. Someone that loves me no matter what... Its so hard to find.. Am I getting pickier as I get older?? I dont' know but I rarely meet anyone that is interesting. Maybe I just expect too much from people.. I am just feeling a tad lonely.. I miss all the small things.. Cooking dinner together, watching tv, lounging around on a Sunday afternoon.. I liked being settled.. I was happy and content.. I am so reluctant to start over again, seems like too much work for something that is likely to fail again... I know I am being synical but I guess I am still mourning my loss and not quite ready to rethink the future...
Currently listening :
Wither Blister Burn & Peel
By Stabbing Westward
Release date: By 23 January, 1996
Current mood: rejected
Once again its a Friday. My weekend is packed with "GIRLS NIGHT OUT"
The more I am out, the less likely I am to sulk and feel sorry for myself. I truely miss having someone that cares about where I am and what I am doing.. Someone that loves me no matter what... Its so hard to find.. Am I getting pickier as I get older?? I dont' know but I rarely meet anyone that is interesting. Maybe I just expect too much from people.. I am just feeling a tad lonely.. I miss all the small things.. Cooking dinner together, watching tv, lounging around on a Sunday afternoon.. I liked being settled.. I was happy and content.. I am so reluctant to start over again, seems like too much work for something that is likely to fail again... I know I am being synical but I guess I am still mourning my loss and not quite ready to rethink the future...
Currently listening :
Wither Blister Burn & Peel
By Stabbing Westward
Release date: By 23 January, 1996
Thursday, October 13, 2005
My New Anthem!
Current mood: blah
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
You say you’re gonna burn before you’re mellow
I’ll be the one to burn you
Why’d ya have to go and pick me
When you knew that we were different
Completely
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
Your wildness scares me so does your freedom
See I can’t stand the restrictions
I found myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn’t have to
And I feel so mean
I feel in-between
Cause I’m about to
Give you away
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend(for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend(you’re making a mistake)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them(all the time we wasted)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl...friend
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I’m about to give you away
For someone else to take
I’m about to give you away
For someone else to take
You repeated mistakes for sourvenirs
We’ve been in-between the days for years
I believed it when I said you were going to die
Now I’m gonna watch you and you know why
Its gonna kill me to see you with the next girl
Cause I’m almost awfully so jealous cause the next girl
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
Current mood: blah
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
And you know it makes me sick to be on that list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
You say you’re gonna burn before you’re mellow
I’ll be the one to burn you
Why’d ya have to go and pick me
When you knew that we were different
Completely
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
Your wildness scares me so does your freedom
See I can’t stand the restrictions
I found myself trying to change you
If you were meant to be my lover I wouldn’t have to
And I feel so mean
I feel in-between
Cause I’m about to
Give you away
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend(for someone else to take)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend(you’re making a mistake)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them(all the time we wasted)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girl...friend
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I’m about to give you away
For someone else to take
I’m about to give you away
For someone else to take
You repeated mistakes for sourvenirs
We’ve been in-between the days for years
I believed it when I said you were going to die
Now I’m gonna watch you and you know why
Its gonna kill me to see you with the next girl
Cause I’m almost awfully so jealous cause the next girl
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend (whoa)
I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them
I kinda always knew I’d end up your ex-girlfriend
And I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
I’m another ex-girlfriend on your list
But I shoulda thought of that before we kissed
Sunday, September 25, 2005
WTF
Current mood: depressed
I don't even know where to start.. Everything is soo Fucked up.
How could I have been so wrong...
For so long all I wanted to do was spend my life with him...
He was my world, my everything..
The moment I met him I knew something there was something special about him, something I wanted to spend my life figuring out, learning about.
That was almost 7 year ago. I thought we'd been throught so much together that nothing would break us up.. NOTHING... but no relationship will work with only one person...
Everything was all a lie...I believed he loved me as much as I loved him.
I remember the moment that I fell in love with him. I wasn't even dating him.. He was with some else.. I met her later that same night.. I guess that I never realized there would alway be someone else...
I mean at some point I figured its been years how could he possibly have time for anyone else.. I tusted our love... I figured I loved him so much and we were happy... I figured wrong...
Whether he phsyically cheated or not.. I will NEVER know... but there were always other women on his brain, possibly in his heart.. Most of them I found out about.. I bet there are others I didn't..
There was this entirely second secret life that I wasn't apart of.... Its hard to imagine anyone would choose to live like that... i have trouble keeping track of myself let alone trying to conceal people and relationships...
I kidded myself thinking that he loved me and would always come back to me... WTF was I thinking... no one deserves that kind of treatment...
I understand that relationthips take work.. but none should have been as hard as this was...
I finally came up with the strength that I never thought I would have.. I finally ended things for good.. I got some closure...I thought that would help... Its so cliche and crap... Doesn't make me feel any better.. I just cut the string I had been dangled on for years...
As I left his house.. giving him his things, and taking mine.. who should I see at the corner of his block... the same woman he was seeing when I realized I was in love with him...
What are chances... maybe too coincidental... maybe he was meeting her later that evening.. maybe he had been still seeing her all this time... It would not surprise me.. I dont' think anything would anymore...
I can't even think straight right now... sure I lost a love.. one that I thought was forever, but i also lost my best friend...
He was the one person in this world that knew me better than I know myself.. he knew my issues, my problems, and he still loved me..
Is it really true, are men incapable of loyalty and fidelity???
Current mood: depressed
I don't even know where to start.. Everything is soo Fucked up.
How could I have been so wrong...
For so long all I wanted to do was spend my life with him...
He was my world, my everything..
The moment I met him I knew something there was something special about him, something I wanted to spend my life figuring out, learning about.
That was almost 7 year ago. I thought we'd been throught so much together that nothing would break us up.. NOTHING... but no relationship will work with only one person...
Everything was all a lie...I believed he loved me as much as I loved him.
I remember the moment that I fell in love with him. I wasn't even dating him.. He was with some else.. I met her later that same night.. I guess that I never realized there would alway be someone else...
I mean at some point I figured its been years how could he possibly have time for anyone else.. I tusted our love... I figured I loved him so much and we were happy... I figured wrong...
Whether he phsyically cheated or not.. I will NEVER know... but there were always other women on his brain, possibly in his heart.. Most of them I found out about.. I bet there are others I didn't..
There was this entirely second secret life that I wasn't apart of.... Its hard to imagine anyone would choose to live like that... i have trouble keeping track of myself let alone trying to conceal people and relationships...
I kidded myself thinking that he loved me and would always come back to me... WTF was I thinking... no one deserves that kind of treatment...
I understand that relationthips take work.. but none should have been as hard as this was...
I finally came up with the strength that I never thought I would have.. I finally ended things for good.. I got some closure...I thought that would help... Its so cliche and crap... Doesn't make me feel any better.. I just cut the string I had been dangled on for years...
As I left his house.. giving him his things, and taking mine.. who should I see at the corner of his block... the same woman he was seeing when I realized I was in love with him...
What are chances... maybe too coincidental... maybe he was meeting her later that evening.. maybe he had been still seeing her all this time... It would not surprise me.. I dont' think anything would anymore...
I can't even think straight right now... sure I lost a love.. one that I thought was forever, but i also lost my best friend...
He was the one person in this world that knew me better than I know myself.. he knew my issues, my problems, and he still loved me..
Is it really true, are men incapable of loyalty and fidelity???
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Seether:
Current mood: hopeful
"Fuck It"
I guess I like it when we play
(The way you drag me down)
I guess I like it when you hate me
(The way you drag me down)
Cause I can't face myself in a mirror
(I'm left alone with all my pain)
And I disgrace myself in the mirror
(I'm left alone with my shame)
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
I guess I like it when we fight
(The way you drag me down)
I guess I like it when you smite me
(The way you drag me down)
Cause I can't face myself in a mirror
(I'm left alone with all my pain)
And I disgrace myself in the mirror
(I'm left alone with my shame)
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
You're out of luck - can't get a piece of me
It's all blown up. Don't even fuck with me.
I cannot please you all forever
I cannot please you at all
(I can feel you coming up behind me)
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Current mood: hopeful
"Fuck It"
I guess I like it when we play
(The way you drag me down)
I guess I like it when you hate me
(The way you drag me down)
Cause I can't face myself in a mirror
(I'm left alone with all my pain)
And I disgrace myself in the mirror
(I'm left alone with my shame)
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
I guess I like it when we fight
(The way you drag me down)
I guess I like it when you smite me
(The way you drag me down)
Cause I can't face myself in a mirror
(I'm left alone with all my pain)
And I disgrace myself in the mirror
(I'm left alone with my shame)
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
You're out of luck - can't get a piece of me
It's all blown up. Don't even fuck with me.
I cannot please you all forever
I cannot please you at all
(I can feel you coming up behind me)
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Fuck it! I see you in me
Fuck it! I feel you in me
Fuck it! I'll heal you in me
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Wrong As Usual
Current mood: disappointed
If figures that when I find someone I like..Who genuinely seems to like me back...BOOOM.. totally wrong. After no reponse for a few days... I get (via email) a message saying that he is "kinda" back with his old girlfriend... He failed to mention that he had an ex that was still around.... oh well. I didn't specifically ask if there was anyone else.. I guess I should have..... Obvioulsy he would rather go back to someone he Either dumped or someone that dumped him... than start something new.... His loss and that relationship is bound to fail again considering it already has once.. *sigh* there will be someone else for me even it things look bleek.
Current mood: disappointed
If figures that when I find someone I like..Who genuinely seems to like me back...BOOOM.. totally wrong. After no reponse for a few days... I get (via email) a message saying that he is "kinda" back with his old girlfriend... He failed to mention that he had an ex that was still around.... oh well. I didn't specifically ask if there was anyone else.. I guess I should have..... Obvioulsy he would rather go back to someone he Either dumped or someone that dumped him... than start something new.... His loss and that relationship is bound to fail again considering it already has once.. *sigh* there will be someone else for me even it things look bleek.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Somewhere else to be - by VAST
Every time that I cry out
No one ever comes to me
Every time that I reach out
No one ever rescues me
I wish I could hide from everyone
Is there somewhere else to be
Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need
I wish I could run from everything
Is there somewhere else to be
Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need
Just when you thought.....
Current mood: giggly
you'd never find someone you liked. After what seems like millions of bad dates....I might have found someone worth spending time with. Its still early so I will have to keep you posted..We have a lot of common but there is still a lot to learn.....
Every time that I cry out
No one ever comes to me
Every time that I reach out
No one ever rescues me
I wish I could hide from everyone
Is there somewhere else to be
Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need
I wish I could run from everything
Is there somewhere else to be
Is there somewhere else to be
Take me in
I want out
That's all I need
Just when you thought.....
Current mood: giggly
you'd never find someone you liked. After what seems like millions of bad dates....I might have found someone worth spending time with. Its still early so I will have to keep you posted..We have a lot of common but there is still a lot to learn.....
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Time for something new
Current mood: hopeful
I feel like in the last week my life has turned upside down yet again...In and out of the same relationship gets so tiring and so stressful... I FINALLY said goodbye for good.. time for a NEW start... So I have planned out just about every minute of my free time so I don't relive all the drama...So far so good...
Currently reading :
Good in Bed
By Jennifer Weiner
Release date: By 02 April, 2002
Current mood: hopeful
I feel like in the last week my life has turned upside down yet again...In and out of the same relationship gets so tiring and so stressful... I FINALLY said goodbye for good.. time for a NEW start... So I have planned out just about every minute of my free time so I don't relive all the drama...So far so good...
Currently reading :
Good in Bed
By Jennifer Weiner
Release date: By 02 April, 2002
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
"Easy" Button
Current mood: exhausted
I keep seeing all the comercials with an "easy" button..
I never remember what they are for, but I want an "easy" button.
I want to life to return to when things were easy...
I think that was about age 10 or so..
Can I please keep all my knowledge though???
There are so many things I wish I could change, so many mistakes.
Yeah Yeah we learn from mistakes...
I need to repeat them a few times before I learn.
On a different note, I had softball practice on Sat..
Its been 10 years at least since I played softball.
That couple hours single handedly made me feel my age.
I can barely move and tonight is our first game..
Yet another reason i wish I was 10 again.. you body is still a rubberband... no aches and pains...
how wonderful that would be.
Current mood: exhausted
I keep seeing all the comercials with an "easy" button..
I never remember what they are for, but I want an "easy" button.
I want to life to return to when things were easy...
I think that was about age 10 or so..
Can I please keep all my knowledge though???
There are so many things I wish I could change, so many mistakes.
Yeah Yeah we learn from mistakes...
I need to repeat them a few times before I learn.
On a different note, I had softball practice on Sat..
Its been 10 years at least since I played softball.
That couple hours single handedly made me feel my age.
I can barely move and tonight is our first game..
Yet another reason i wish I was 10 again.. you body is still a rubberband... no aches and pains...
how wonderful that would be.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
White Flag
Current mood: hopeful
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up in surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules that it's over
then I'm sure that that makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Current mood: hopeful
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up in surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules that it's over
then I'm sure that that makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Friday, February 04, 2005
Everything
Current mood: chipper
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
And you’re still here
And you're still here...
Current mood: chipper
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here
And you’re still here
And you're still here...
Thursday, January 27, 2005
I feel like ranting....
Sometimes I wonder what year it actually is.. It kills me that women are using their body and their looks to get ahead in life.. what happened to using your brain and working hard to get things.. You all give the rest of us a bad name.. The wholel whining and batting your eyelashes to get what you want has got to go...
Sometimes I wonder what year it actually is.. It kills me that women are using their body and their looks to get ahead in life.. what happened to using your brain and working hard to get things.. You all give the rest of us a bad name.. The wholel whining and batting your eyelashes to get what you want has got to go...
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
My Intelligence Test Results....LOL
Twich, you're smartest when it comes to Social Intelligence
People who score highly in social intelligence may be healthier than their less socially intelligent peers. This is true because people who have stronger relationships and wider social networks tend to be less susceptible to illness than lonely people.
Twich, you're smartest when it comes to Social Intelligence
People who score highly in social intelligence may be healthier than their less socially intelligent peers. This is true because people who have stronger relationships and wider social networks tend to be less susceptible to illness than lonely people.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
I Will Always Love You
Current mood: sad
If I Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go But I know
I'll think of you every step of the way
And I... Will always Love you, oohh
Will always Love you
You My darling you Mmm-mm
Bittersweet Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you You need
And I... Will always love you
I... Will always love you
You, ooh
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love
And I... Will always love you
I... Will always love you
I, I will always love You....
You Darling I love you I'll always
I'll always Love You..
Oooh Ooohhh
Current mood: sad
If I Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go But I know
I'll think of you every step of the way
And I... Will always Love you, oohh
Will always Love you
You My darling you Mmm-mm
Bittersweet Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you You need
And I... Will always love you
I... Will always love you
You, ooh
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love
And I... Will always love you
I... Will always love you
I, I will always love You....
You Darling I love you I'll always
I'll always Love You..
Oooh Ooohhh
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
You Are 27 Years Old |
27 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40 : You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
*this is shockingly accurate.. I didn't expect it to be...lol
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Not my Favorite singer but I like the lyrics...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Like We Never Had a Broken Heart
Don't be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won't break in two
What we're doing here tonight
Sure beats what we're going through
We both loved and lost before
We know the sadness it can bring
Tonight, let's close the door
And hold on to the nearest thing
Let's keep hangin' on
So we won't fall apart
Let's make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart
Don't be afraid to close your eyes
Pretend I'm someone that you love
And I won't have to tell you lies
'Cause it's not you I'm thinkin' of
Tonight, we'll just pretend
We've been in love right from the start
Let's make love again
Like we never had a broken heart
Oh, let's make love again
Like we never had a broken heart
Don't be afraid to close your eyes
* I dont' even know this song but I loved the lyrics...
Don't be afraid to hold me tight
You know I won't break in two
What we're doing here tonight
Sure beats what we're going through
We both loved and lost before
We know the sadness it can bring
Tonight, let's close the door
And hold on to the nearest thing
Let's keep hangin' on
So we won't fall apart
Let's make love tonight
Like we never had a broken heart
Don't be afraid to close your eyes
Pretend I'm someone that you love
And I won't have to tell you lies
'Cause it's not you I'm thinkin' of
Tonight, we'll just pretend
We've been in love right from the start
Let's make love again
Like we never had a broken heart
Oh, let's make love again
Like we never had a broken heart
Don't be afraid to close your eyes
* I dont' even know this song but I loved the lyrics...
Monday, January 03, 2005
Its a New Year
Current mood: optimistic
Its time to adhear to all those resolutions. I have soo many i don't know where to begin.
1. I plan on getting into shape same as 99% of the population.. but not so i look good to other, I want to feel better about myself!
2. I decided to leave a painful and abusive relationship in 2004 and not drag it along into a new year..
3. I decided that I am the most important thing in my life, and resolve to make myself happy for once.
Yeah ME!
Current mood: optimistic
Its time to adhear to all those resolutions. I have soo many i don't know where to begin.
1. I plan on getting into shape same as 99% of the population.. but not so i look good to other, I want to feel better about myself!
2. I decided to leave a painful and abusive relationship in 2004 and not drag it along into a new year..
3. I decided that I am the most important thing in my life, and resolve to make myself happy for once.
Yeah ME!